So…I’ve always wondered, “what is a friend?” How is a friend supposed to act? How do they interact with each other? How much time do they spend together? What’s considered TMI?
I’ve always wondered because I grew up without any stable relationships due to my upbringing in and out of foster care and group homes. I would always find that one person that I felt like I had a vibe with, and then BAM, they were moved, or I was!
I wanted to talk to them all the time. I wanted to play in their hair. I wanted to lay in the bed with them and kick my feet up while gossiping about boys and our home lives, but our time would be cut short before we got to that point. I remember that I was the oddball out kid. I sat with mostly special-ed kids on my lunch breaks and those were the type of people I interacted with in high school. I didn’t feel odd or embarrassed about hanging with them because they were the ones that accepted me. They were the ones that made me feel welcomed, comfortable and cared for.
I would sit and watch the other groups of “POPULAR” kids talk extra loud amongst each other, whisper, buy food, and eat off each other together. I would sometimes envy the normalcy. One thing that I never envied about those cliques, were the constant drama they kept up with other cliques and among each other. When I made it to high school, majority of my lunches were spent alone. I would eat in the senior lounge at a table, by MYSELF while groups of girls and guys hung out and played around. I was never asked to sit at a table with them, or if I wanted to join in on their conversations, it was like I wasn’t even in there with them, because I wasn’t a “cool kid.”
I noticed that those cliques in my high school were ALWAYS fighting, arguing, and accusing each other of things. It was like they were best friends one day, on the rocks the next, and enemies the following week. Come a month later, those same people that fought or argued were right back to bff’s and hanging in their little corner in the senior lounge. So I had to keep reminding myself that I didn’t want that type of trouble. I didn’t want to be fighting and arguing. I had enough fighting to do outside of the school making sure that I had somewhere to lay my head, and the “new” mom hadn’t put me out while at school. It was lonely, it was hurtful to just be left alone like that, and it was a trigger to my self esteem, but I never tried to force myself into anyone’s friendship because the fact they never tried to interact with me, spoke enough about them.
Now as an adult I ponder on my interpretation of friendship. I wonder if I have the idea of it, all wrong. I have lost numerous of friendships since becoming an adult. The way that I was treated by many, makes me believe that it wasn’t me, it was them. Majority of them had less then what I had and what I had was something they always wanted. Me being who I ‘used to be,’ always gave what I had. Giver, giver, never a taker and I got tired of that, so I’d shy away or they’d end up treating me bad and dissolving themselves from our friendships.
So here’s my interpretation of friendship:
1) You TALK to each other VERBALLY at least ONCE a week NOT TEXT each other ONCE a MONTH
2) You SEE each other at least ONCE a MONTH, NOT ONCE a YEAR if you both live in the same city
3) You don’t use family, children and relationships as a reason for not making a phone call for months
4) When one shares sad or detrimental news, you check on them the following day to see what state of mind their in and you continue to make sure their okay, until they tell you they don’t want to talk about it anymore, because friends can become depressed.
5) You support their dreams, and their business. You help them in any way that YOU can, to show you support their movement.
6) If you have an issue with them, you TELL them, NOT talk about them BEHIND their back!
7) You don’t stop talking to them or stop caring if they seem upset or hurt, you try and figure it out so that it can be fixed.
8) You don’t give up on them based one something that you’ve never talked to them about knowing that they’re unaware of what you’re upset about.
9) You make time for them rather it’s to talk or visit.
10) You be honest and upfront about whatever is going on so that the friendship doesn’t demise based on secrecy.
11) You don’t use SOCIAL MEDIA as a way to keep up with your friends. A Facebook page should not be used as a source of communication.
Everyone has time for something. People make time for what they want and who they want, so don’t use TIME as an excuse. If you know and care, you can set a reminder in your phone calendar to make a connection with your friend, you do the same for appointments and events, RIGHT?
If my friend started a business or something that they were really passionate about and I saw them giving it their all, I would promote to everyone I knew on their behalf. If they needed money to help get them going, and all I had was $5 or $10, I would donate it even if I had to use a credit card. My views of friendship, is full fledge support in every aspect.
If you can’t depend on those that call themselves your friends/family, who can you depend on? People really need to learn the true meaning of friendship, responsibilities and values of a good friendship.
I want the type of friendship that the girls off “Living Single” had. We play together, we laugh together, we hang together, we host dinners at each other homes, we plan vacations with each other and our spouses, we go out to eat and bowl with each other.
I want a friendship where I’m not the only one calling, while the other only texts once a month, AFTER I’ve called or texted them after not hearing from them since the LAST time I texted or called.
These are the things I deem to be considered a true friendship. Otherwise you’re an associate! Am I right or wrong?