I just feel so tired of it all, all the time. I try so hard to maintain my sanity, my household and my children. I feel so alone in the fight to do all these things and I am just burned out. I have worked hard all my life to maintain a good life. I never want to lose. I never want to give up or give in, but sometimes I am just excited at the prospect of doing nothing!

I am constantly trying. I am constantly giving. I am constantly thinking, planning and executing thoughts and ideas to create a better life for myself and children. The only thing that is never constant is me taking care of myself. I can not seem to get the time, patience or space to just think about me and I never have the energy to just do something for me. Every now and then the opportunity is created for the break away, but I don’t trust anyone with my children to actually accept the offer.

I wonder if I make myself miserable which leads the constant mental exhaustion I feel within myself. I have so many expectations and qualities I want from others, although I probably don’t fit half of them, but at least I know my children are straight if all of those qualities are met. I know people say I need to relax and allow someone the opportunity to help me out, but then I feel like I am not protecting my children. I must protect them as priority and myself, as the person that must always be prepared to do anything for them.

I have tried to birth so many ideas, turn so many dreams into reality, yet I am unable to get the right head space to think, to do, to be. I love my children so much though. I look at all five of them everyday and think to myself about how blessed I am to have them in my life. I am proud of them, I am proud of me for creating them. I am grateful I get to raise them and enjoy them growing up. Yet, I am very tired.

My tired is a choice. My tired is self inflicted. I try not to complain, but is venting complaining, is realization a complaint? I thank God for everything he has done, provided and continues to provide and I wouldn’t change being a mommy to 4 boys and 1 girl, for anything or anyone in the world!


About wisdomissophia

I am married mother of 5 beautiful children. I am a writer, blogger, creator and focused individual. I have been through quite a bit in my 34 years of living and I am not ashamed of or afraid to tell my story. My writing is a way of telling my truths and helping others at the same time. We all have a story to tell and if our story will encourage, uplift, change or transforms someone's life, we ALL need to tell our story. Our life and everything that is entails, is our story.
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