You think you want it from what you see

You don’t know how hard it is to be me

You outside, looking at the outside

Not knowing the pain that I feel inside

Yeah, you thought it was all good

Don’t let my smile fool ya

I think you misunderstood

Some days I don’t wanna be me

I cry many a nights cuz I just wanna be free

My past, pains, keep haunting me

I wanna move on

They just won’t let me be

Let me great

The damage has been done, it’s already  too late

I try to escape through my thoughts

Which drive me wild, I haven’t been at peace ever

Or it’s been a long while

If you see my smile, don’t think its all gravy

My emotional rollercoaster got my mind all wavy

What you think I got, I guarantee you’re wrong

I’ve been messed with by damn near everyone

I really want to be left alone

You can never feel my pain

Or say you understand

Because you’ll never be me, walk in my shoes, do you understand?

Life doesn’t come easy

There is no lesson plan

We just take one day at a time

Hoping  the bad stuff subsides

Why I gotta go through hell just to learn a lesson

When I’d always do right if I just got my blessings

Why was I chosen to be the chosen one

Maybe I didn’t want the challenge; maybe I wanted to have fun

Stolen memories, childhood and life

Now I’m struggling to love

While being someone’s mom & wife

Nobody ever showed or taught me what love is

Yet I’m expected to dish out the shit

When you living all alone in your mind

And you just dragging along with the times

And you just can’t figure out the whys

What do you do

Do I look okay to you

If only you knew what my heart feels, what my mind does think

Do you really know the feeling of defeat

My world, my small world in my head

Has me constantly wanted to go hide and never leave the bed

I don’t know if what I ever feel is true or real

Right or wrong, I really don’t know how to feel

If what I feel is based on trauma, doesn’t mean I’m making making up a life of drama

Can I feel and it be valid

Not based on my past like that’s always it

If you think you know me guess again

I really keep failing in life

When all I’ve tried to do is win

I’m ignored, disregarded and passed by

I feel like a reject that’s why I always cry

Trying my hardest to get someone to see me

Had me changing my life to whoever else every wanted me to be

Still played, talked about and picked on

So I’m living in a world full of people, all ALONE?


About wisdomissophia

I am married mother of 5 beautiful children. I am a writer, blogger, creator and focused individual. I have been through quite a bit in my 34 years of living and I am not ashamed of or afraid to tell my story. My writing is a way of telling my truths and helping others at the same time. We all have a story to tell and if our story will encourage, uplift, change or transforms someone's life, we ALL need to tell our story. Our life and everything that is entails, is our story.
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