It’s like one day I’m superman and the next day I feel like his weakest opponent.
I feel like I can take on the world and have strong faith that all of my dreams are for sure coming true.
The next day the thoughts of, “what am I doing?” comes to mind and I feel completely defeated and depleted. I often fight my own thoughts because I know they say the brain is a powerful tool and to only think positive.
But how can I only think positive when there are so many questions and learning that I must achieve to make it anywhere in life?
Here I am, 35 with five children and married, and I just figured out “what I want to be when I get older.” I’m already older, pretty much; with an entire family.
I fight mom guilt on a daily while chasing behind my dreams for current and former foster youth. I hold myself up and back by procrastinating. I use taking care of all these kids and a household as my excuse.
Yes, I know, it’s self sabotage. However, how is having a family not a legitimate excuse as to why it’s taking me so long to take the next step, learn the next thing; so on and so forth……
It’s like the real reasons are my excuses, and these reasons are excusing me from not doing more. I NEED TO DO MORE!
I want to progress. I want to succeed. I want success. I want to be successful. I want to win.
Why have I just figured out my “why” at the point where my life is so insanely chaotic and hectic?
I’m trying my hardest to keep going….to keep learning while tickling my 22 mo, while teaching my 7 yo to read better, while helping my 5 yo wipe his butt (not sure why he can’t figure that out for himself yet (hand over face). I’m learning while cooking, mothering, wife-ing, and trying to not lose myself in the midst of it all.
What is it? What is it about those 30 something year old ‘life is happening moments’ that we suddenly decide after building our “Little House On The Prairie” family lives, that we want to be all that we can be?
NOTHING is easy after having kids and creating an entire family! My goodness……I wish I would just become invisible and invincible for one entire week and JUST DO IT!